then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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