This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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