It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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