have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You need Xanax blowdarts
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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