i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
