Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
