Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you traded sex for a burrito?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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