I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
