The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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