It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
