Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
