How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
