Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
