Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize