Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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