I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
