i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Even my vagina gasped.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
