What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
