I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
