I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize