This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
