Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
