Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
