Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
