): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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