Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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