I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I can text with my tongue
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
