I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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