What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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