Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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