the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
