if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
