I'm going to jail i love you
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
