Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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