So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
