he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
