I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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