In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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