is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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