Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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