I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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