3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
