Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
