Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize