so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
