jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
