meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
