Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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