I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
