Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
