Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
