the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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