Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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