a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
