i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
