i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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