We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
