im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
