He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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