you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
