I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
