hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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