this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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