My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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