I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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